Why Buy Penis Lollipops?
If you are researching the differences between penis lollipops, then you probably are buying supplies for a bachelorette party. There are other reasons to buy and use these products, and we don’t judge, but the bachelorette party is number one.
No one remembers the first time that penis-shaped candy showed up at a bachelorette party, but it was certainly an instant hit. Even women who are completely ambivalent about the real thing often display an oral fixation when presented with penis confections.
The penis lollipop has three main purposes — decoration, statement and snack– so it’s important to consider exactly why you are purchasing yours. Some products work better as decorations than actual props, so know your motivations going in.
Will your guests be licking their lollipops only in front of each other, or in public where strangers will see them? Depending on the venue, you may want to dial up the penis imagery, or crank it down a few inches, depending on the effect you’re going for.
We believe penis lollipops can be evaluated and compared on three major criteria: size, shape and taste.
Size: Does size matter? Usually, but with lollipops, you want a proportion that works for the circumstances. Little baby penises may even be best, especially when you’re done with the joke and want to move on.
Shape: How closely does it resemble a real penis? How closely do you want it to? How effective is the overall presentation, both wrapped and opened? Does the lollipop appear to be well-made, without offputting imperfections? Does it make you laugh? Don’t worry, we’ve taken the guesswork out of all these factors.
Taste: A penis lollipop doesn’t need to be best-tasting snack ever, but it should not taste evil either. No one likes it when someone spits out a penis. Stains on the carpet are just one of the drawbacks. Honestly, though, none of the penis lollipops reviewed here taste terrific. Some are mildly OK and some are virtually tasteless. But if you’re expecting them to be sucked, you should know how these penis lollipops stack up.
Let’s get started then. We’ve divided the penis lollipops into four categories, each with its own page.
The Lollicock: This bad boy doesn’t share space with anyone. See it for yourself.
The Mainstays: Very serviceable penis lollipops in various sizes that fit most bachelorette party needs.
Interesting: Colorful and unique penis lollipops that go beyond the mundane.
Chocolate Thunder: These are candy, not lollipops, but they deserve consideration.
Feel free to jump around but don’t skip any of the reviews or you might miss the perfect penis for your party.